On to plan B!

There is so much pressure out there, especially in the Christian world, for a girl to find a man, get married, and start procreating with reckless abandon, and if you don't do it in your first couple of years out of college, there's something wrong with you and you are using being single by choice as a cop-out excuse for not being chosen. Especially for ladies recently out of relationships with a man who was supposed to be "the one," this is a huge fear.

I've felt like this myself in the past. I thought I had found my future husband, we'd figured out a timeline and we knew when we were getting engaged, when we were getting married, when we'd start having a family. I'd tested writing my name with his last name, and all that lovey dovey stuff. But it didn't work out.

So I tried not to take dating so seriously and date more "casually." A very call-it-like-it-is mentality, going on a few dates to try someone on and see if he fit. It was working all right for me, but after each breakup or each almost-relationship ended, I was back at square one. I'd think to myself "Here we go again through the cycle: Do I like him? Does he like me? Would we be a good fit? Get to know each other's background, family story, yadda, yadda, yadda."

It was disheartening and ultimately draining. I knew that I shouldn't have that kind of a mindset, but it was so difficult not to look at it as a repeating pattern, expecting to find something different when I kept treating each thing the same.

But I was missing out here. I had the capacity to make my life something extraordinary! There was an important message I hadn't been applying to myself in the dating sphere:

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future full of hope." Jer. 29:11

It all came down to one thing: let go and let God. Sure, dating is draining, breakups are hard, and it can be quite a bit stressful repeating itself, but having a relationship or a relationship prospect is not an end all be all (of course not, that's the purpose of this blog). But I learned to do my best to stay cool and remember that God is God and I am not.

Men aren't letters in the alphabet. Just like we want them to see us as incommunicable, irreplaceable, infinite mysteries, with deep hearts and minds that go on forever, we must remember that they are human beings too, and more than potential suitors! It's almost silly to try and make that point, but it is so important to remember that men too have passions, fears, hopes, dreams, wounds, strengths, and hopefully a sense of humor and personality. Fostering healthy friendships with guys (I'm talking boundaries, ladies) helps remind us that we're not looking for a checklist... we're waiting for our best friend.

Moral of the story? Stay cool. God knows what's up, and He knows a lot better than we do. Keep being your classy, fabulous self and trust that it's all going to work out. Feel helpless in the meantime? We can practice virtue, explore our own passions, fears, hopes, dreams, wounds, strengths, and hopefully sense of humor and personality, and trust that the Lord knows what he's doing. Future full of hope... I like that.