Captured Little Heart

I wrote this article as a part of a Valentine's day essay contest 2 years ago. Apparently they liked it, given it was published in the online newsletter (the original post is here: http://thegorettigroup.blogspot.com/2011_02_01_archive.html).

Happy Valentine's day, to all the single ladies!!


Captured Little Heart
Everyone loves a good fairy tale, although many believe that they are something to be left for children—a fantasy too far from real life. This is a real story about a princess, her capture, and the fight to win her heart by the perfect prince. This is my love story, and it is entirely true.
I was born on the east coast and lived there with my parents, older sister, and younger brother for six years. My loving parents announced to me just after first grade that we were moving closer to my mom’s side of the family, to the Midwest. I, the outgoing, spunky middle child was excited to make new friends. We made the big move, and as far as I knew everything was wonderful.

A year after the switch Dad left to visit his side of the family. I found out soon after that he wasn’t planning on moving back. He still loved us and wanted to see us, but it just wasn’t working out for him to be out there, for reasons unbeknownst to little me. I don’t remember much about that time, but I do remember one thing: Dad made Mom cry. I made a decision that night with no idea how it would alter my life. I chose a life without Dad.

The three of us kids spent the school year with Mom and the summer with Dad, which worked out fine. For years I was civil to Dad, but I had always felt like he didn’t just leave Mom, but he left us too. I secretly wanted to let him in, but my stubborn pride had too strong of a hold on me, and it grew stronger as time went on. The wound was too deep for me to let go.

I am forever grateful to Mom for teaching us the Catechism and to love the Lord with all of our hearts, and the grace we were given through her is immeasurable. Although I knew Christ as the Son of God who died for my sins, I hadn’t yet known him as someone who could fill the hole I had in my heart. I tried to make up for it elsewhere. I thrived on attention, especially from boys. I loved flirting and learned to use my feminine wiles to get whatever I wanted. It seemed like I couldn’t keep good girl friends for long, but that didn’t bother me as long as I had some guy to remind me periodically that I was pretty or that someone was thinking of me. When I was 15 I got my first boyfriend and was swept up in a whirlwind romance. He was 2 ½ years older than me and leaving for basic training for the Army. We made up for our time apart with intimate visits and phone calls that only fed our infatuation for each other. The whole affair spun out of control and I ended it multiple times, but he was the most constant man in my life at that point—and I couldn’t let him go. We were on and off for years, and I filled his absences with late-night hookups. I fell into habits of grave sin, but I needed affection, and boys gave it to me. They made me feel beautiful, appreciated, and wanted.

My lows were balanced with spiritual highs from Catholic conferences and retreats, where I could see the error in my ways and promise God that I would change. However, my broken heart needed that physical person to whisper he loved me and give me kisses. I entered as a freshman into a wonderful Catholic college, surrounded by holy, attractive men who knew how to treat a woman right. It was there that I met a man I thought would be my future husband. He was everything I could have wanted. He respected me; I could see it in his actions. We were chaste, we went by the book, and we even prayed together on the phone! Betrayals and broken hearts in my past made me hesitant, but after much coaxing, I gave him my entire heart. I had a new home in him.

The emotional honeymoon didn’t last. Just over six months into our relationship, he flipped a switch and everything came to a bitter crashing end. I cried and screamed to God, begging for no more pain. I was blinded by my hurt and flung myself at the feet of the Eucharist in adoration. Slowly, the flow of my tears slowed and my breathing began to slow. I heard no voice, felt no touch, saw no apparition. But I calmly returned to my room and listened to music. A song began to play with a soft pace. He sang to me:
“He is jealous for me.”

The words struck a chord in my heart. Someone is jealous for my love; he wants it for himself first. I kept listening.

“Loves like a hurricane; I am a tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.”

I pictured a tree, swaying back and forth by strong but gentle winds. The beat reminded me of a waltz.

“Oh, how he loves us.”

Jesus does love me, but it’s not the same as a man in front of me that I can touch, feel, or taste.

“And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss and my heart turns
violently inside of my chest.”

All of a sudden it all came together for me. Heaven met earth when God became man, and Christ meets me at my lips in the Eucharist. This was the dialogue of love that I had been longing for: the man to meet me at the altar with an incarnate kiss. Christ is my beloved, the rock upon whom I build my days and spend my evenings dreaming of. I was captured by pain and freed by the Prince of Peace who sacrificed his life for this princess.

Happy Valentine’s Day, from this little heart captured by Christ.

Beauty comes from within

SOOOO... because I totally overcommit myself and never get around to anything I actually WANT to do until much later, I finally spent some time reading a blog of a friend of mine... and one entry was particularly awesome. Gabe... my bad for taking so long.

However, the timing worked out stupendously! I read this great post about beauty (and princesses!!) right after I posted mine, and it is the perfect post to follow mine. Especially knowing it was written by a man, it is super duper hopeful and affirming. If y'all get the chance, check out Beauty Speaks in Stories.

Here's a teaser for the article I'm talking about... click for more!

Beauty Speaks in Stories: Fairy Stories: Tale As Old As Time (Part 1 of 2): Part 1: Belle. "Beautiful."  She represents what every woman already is: beautiful.  Most women don't believe this.  Hiding behind masks, t...

...this kinda goes with the theme too. Not really, but kinda. Enough. :)

Ugliness can be more than skin deep.

I am on this huge health kick right now and I love it. Eating more healthy (the right foods and correct portion sizes) paired with regular exercise have got me feeling more energized, in a better mood, and has given me a significant confidence boost. There's nothing like the feeling of a morning workout followed by a cool shower, a tiny bit of makeup and a Pintrest inspired outfit (my favorites!). It feels good to feel like looking good, you know?

There is a danger though, that can easily attach itself to new motivation or inspiration to take care of one's body: vanity. We constantly see "perfect women" strutting their stuff on the Victoria's Secret fashion show runway (no, I did NOT watch it, nor do I encourage it... I have a story about that to share at a later date), or women who have clearly taken the Barbie doll physique as an ideal waaaay too far like the women on Real Housewives or Sin City Rules, etc. My Pintrest homepage and the "Popular" tab are covered with pictures of petite women with six back abs and a ridiculous booty, all with captions that say "motivation" or "goal body." For all of the women (this can apply to men too) out there who were not born with the "ideal" frame or body type, this can be more discouraging than encouraging. Even when said "goal" is reached, it never really ends, because the pursuit of perfection is like trying to catch a cloud and pin it down... you're never going to get there.

In articles, talks, inspirational CD's, retreats, and all of these wonderful places, we are commonly reminded, "you are beautiful!" And YOU ARE! But don't let it go to your head. And by that I mean, with great beauty comes great responsibility. Beauty is designed by God to draw the eye, the mind, and the heart to awe, to truth, and to love. Losing sight of the purpose of beauty means losing sight of the beauty that counts... and you can't buy that at a department store, drugstore, or sweat for it in the gym.

Taking it one step further, what does it look like when someone loses the sight of what it is supposed to mean to be beautiful? Girls who get lost in themselves, in self-centerdness, in insecurity, in what other people think... and not in a healthy way. Instead of leading hearts toward the goodness that inspires their confidence, their sense of self-worth, they earn themselves pity and companions and escorts who find it difficult to find the "real woman" behind the mask.

Yes, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, but we must not forget that beauty is written into our SOULS just because we exist. We were created with the sole purpose of loving and praising our Lord, and that joy is what turns heads and inspires contagious smiles. In our loving, in our tenderness, in our grace, in our modesty, we emulate beauty, Vanity is the ultimate enemy of the praise, and as sisters in Christ, we can together answer the call to love, to give, and to share... as cheesy as it sounds (especially in this holiday season). In turn, we can lift this culture, these images, and these hearts to a degree of perfection we will find no where else. Ladies, let us love, in truth, in goodness, and in beauty.

An affirmation for you!

Letter to my 15-year-old self

I wrote this for work to post on the company website (www.missionariesofpurity.com if you want to have a looksie) and I wanted to share it with you. :) I've also included a picture of 16-year old me, just for fun.

Dear 15-year-old me,

I’ve been taking some time to look back on my own life after encountering some young girls who deserved so much more than what they were settling for. It broke my heart to witness, and all I could think was if only I had known then what I know now. I know that it’s a little late for me, but in putting this into words it might not be too late for someone else. Here are some things I wish I knew:

“Follow your heart” is probably the worst advice ever. Use your head. All of your actions should come from the two working together.

Do things for yourself. Don’t live as if the man of your dreams is watching, or if your parents are standing right behind you, but do what is best for you. You know what these things are: things that make you the best version of yourself. Get sunshine, exercise, count your blessings often, take time to pray, and do something that you enjoy just because you enjoy it.

Surround yourself with people who genuinely want what is best for you, people that want to see you thrive. Your friends are the people who will want to help you follow your dreams, support you when times get tough, and do what they can to help you be happy, healthy, and holy… long-term, not just for the night.

Act out of charity. It’s one of those fake it ‘til you make it things when you are having a rough day, but you will make it. Be genuine. Smile. Speak kindly about your friends AND your enemies, and everyone in between. You will cheer everyone else around you up, and the feeling overflows to you… Joy comes from the heart and shows in the way that we treat others.

You are beautiful! You will hear so many other things in your life: you have to be skinnier, your hair has to be longer, your chest is too small, and so on and so forth… but you have been formed out of love, with a purpose and people who loved you even while you were in your mother’s womb! People who feed you those lies are only trying to feed emptiness in themselves, but dear, you are not empty! You have passions, loves, interests, personality, talents, and gifts. You are inspiring! Strive every moment to be the best version of yourself, regardless of others’ put-downs. When in doubt, remember that happy girls are the prettiest. Be someone worth admiring… but above all, remember that you are beautiful and you are loved!

Sincerely,

Justine

In order to lead a fascinating life, one brimming with art, music, intrigue, and romance, you must surround yourself with precisely those things.

She's got some great points! (pardon the language)

Finding Mr. Right

Finding Mr. Right

I mean forget dating, what about just finding Mr. Right? Pretty challenging huh? A woman wrote to Made in His Image, I live in an area where the majority of the population is incredibly spiritually ill, and its like if I am supposed to ever find someone to spend the rest of my life with I have to succumb to that as well.

I know a gentleman who was attracted to a Catholic woman’s beauty. He desperately wanted to date her, but every time he asked her out, she said no. After several rejections, he smartly figured out that he would have to change his lifestyle if he was to win her heart. He started going to Mass, praying, and living morally. He continued to develop his relationship with God, then asked her out again. She said yes, and today they are married.

A woman by her very nature is a mystery. And when she conducts herself in accordance with the way in which God created her, she reflects this beauty and appeal in a unique way. When a woman is authentic, she calls a man to a higher standard by her very nature. Men are naturally attracted to her authentic beauty and integrity.

Don’t ever conform to immorality to attract a man. You are worth more than that. In fact, your worth is beyond human comprehension. God created the universe, surely he didn’t forget about your future. Every woman yearns for a man who is going to protect and cherish her. My question for you is: are you conducting yourself in such a way to attract a virtuous man? Embrace the beauty of your femininity, and you will inspire a man to step up. 

So, instead of finding him, let him find you. Men have an inherent desire to pursue a woman, let them do that.

“When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.” - Archbishop Fulton Sheen

Source: http://ifighthimwithlove.wordpress.com/2012/08/03/finding-mr-right/

A Catholic Single's Guide to Hope

This article was generously brought to my attention by a super awesome reader, and after reading it myself I would be remiss if I did not pass it along. :)

“Know your own happiness. Want for nothing but patience. Or give it a more fascinating name: Call it hope.”
― Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

My English-major self loves all things Jane Austen, as I’ve noted on this blog before.

I was just reminded of this quote recently, and I think its theme is key to faith as much as it is to dating.

You need to be happy with yourself and your life before you can be happy sharing your life with someone else. That’s what Jane Austen illustrates in her novels. The heroines discern the heroes’ characters so they know their marriages are based on love and virtue. That’s the point of a new interview (at National Review Online) with Elizabeth Kantor, the author of The Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After.

And being hope-filled is necessary in today’s dating landscape. We’ve all been there, myself included: Hearing about yet another wedding or going to another wedding can cause us to wonder when our time will come.

But we can’t lose hope in ourselves or in God.

I recently interviewed Emily Stimpson, the author of The Catholic Girl’s Survival Guide for the Single Years. Her advice is so practical and full of good reminders for us singles.

I especially like this point about how we need to represent good Catholic living “by being joyful, hopeful, uncompromising witnesses to the truth of the Church’s teachings about femininity, sexuality, vocation and holiness” in the midst of a culture that opposes those values.

Why? Because our hope is true and points to the One who loves us as we are, single and waiting. Austen’s heroines did that — and they found their Mr. Darcy, Mr. Knightley, Capt. Wentworth, etc., as a result.

As Emily adds, “For anyone, married or single, those teachings are the only path to peace, wholeness and joy. But if no one in the culture sees people walking that path, it’s going to be awfully hard for them to believe that or walk it themselves.”

That’s also the message of Catholic singer-songwriter Jackie Francois: “My hope for single people who are discerning is that they seek holiness before seeking a spouse, knowing that Jesus the Bridegroom gives a peace and joy that no person on this earth could ever give.”

Well said, Emily, Jackie and Jane. :)

By: Amy Smith
Read more: http://www.ncregister.com/blog/amy-smith/a-catholic-singles-guide-to-hope#ixzz24NZzn63z

Olympian Lolo Jones is saving herself for marriage

10 Tips for Women in the Real World

**** This article is shared from Good Women Project http://goodwomenproject.com/ ****

It has been one whole year since I graduated from college. This fact officially makes me…
One: An adult.
Two: A participant in “The Real World.”

This year has taught me a LOT. About careers, about guys, about life, and most importantly, about myself. So for all of my little dearies who just walked that stage, here’s what I’ve learned. Here’s what you need to know.

10 Tips to Prepare Women for “The Real World”

*Disclaimer: this is the advice, based on my experience, that I would give. But every situation is different.
**P.S. Every tip below is stuff I am still working on and reminding myself of every day.

1. Get a Job. Any Job.
No, I’m not insulting your intelligence. I know it isn’t easy. I also know we’ve been raised with a glamorized view of what our first job should look like. I don’t know about you, but I expected it to look something like working out of the Empire State building in a pants suit, ordering people around and directing Hollywood movies on the side. REALITY CHECK: I graduated from college, quickly realized that jobs, even with connections, and ESPECIALLY in New York are not easy to come by, so I waited tables for the first 7 months out. You know what they say, its easier to get a job when you have one. Just get a job and start making some money.

Photo by Well Traveled Woman

2. Aim for Your Dream
Just because you don’t have your dream job, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t aim for it. Make connections, talk to the people that are working your dream job and figure out what its going to take to get you there. Is it really what you want? Do you want it bad enough?And if necessary, start at the bottom. The fact is, it’s going to take hard work. If you are crazy passionate and work really hard, something great will come of it. For me, I started a Wedding Cinematography business and though it is crazy hard work. I LOVE IT. It’s a great thing to pursue a dream that feels alive.

3. Say No to Dates
The world of boys and girls outside of college is a different universe.Nothing could have prepared me for it. People don’t have a tendency to maintain casual friendships, or even good friendships with the opposite sex. It’s kinda like, “Hey, what’s your name? Cool, wanna go out to dinner?” Holy Smokes! Can a brotha get a minute? Maybe people are desperate. Maybe people are just more forward. The point is, if you don’t want to go or you’re not into him, say no. Plain and simple. You get to choose here. Enjoy that privilege.

4. Say Yes to Dates
Wait…but you just said…? Yes. Don’t be afraid to YES if you are mildly to severely interested. Especially if you’ve been burned in the past. Get over yourself, and try again. Yes, it does mean you run the risk of actually falling for someone again. I know, breathe. You’ll be ok. And if you’re not getting asked out, allow your friends to set you up on a blind date. Yeah, it’s awkward. But it also makes for great stories. Grow up. You’re young, single, out-of-college, and in need of a little male attention. Let’s be real, who doesn’t? So if you’re interested, say yes.

5. Take a Trip
Around February, I was so depressed that I decided I didn’t care what anyone thought. I had just interviewed for a good job, and knew that if I got it (which I did), I might not have time for frolicking about the country. So I bought a ticket, and by George, though everyone thought I was crazy, I headed to California for 2 weeks by myself. Was it the best trip of my life? No. Would I necessary recommend an exact replication of my trip? No. But did I have all kinds of crazy adventures? Yes. Do I have crazy stories? Yes. Ask me about them. I can say one thing for sure: I lived. You don’t have to put down 1,000 bucks to go on an incredibly memorable trip. And you sure don’t want to spend your whole life saying, if only I’d gone on a trip before I had kids.

6. Move Out Of Your Parents’ House
I repeat, move out of your parents’ house. I know I know, it’s just so cheap. You just can’t afford to move out. You just need it for a little while, which turns into 5 years. I understand living with your parents as your getting your feet wet and finding a job, but after you have the job, settle for a dump that is at least a place of your own. I would put a 6 month cap on the parents’ house thing. It’s not cause you don’t love them. It’s not cause you don’t need them. It is because for your emotional and psychological health, you need that independence.

7. Know How To Set Boundaries. Physical, Emotional, And Professional.
Set boundaries at work. This is what you are willing to do, this is what you are not. This is what you are willing to allow other men to say to you, this is what you are not. This is time for work. This is time for friends. This is time for yourself.

Also, don’t allow yourself to be talked down to. Learn the phrase, “Wait just one minute.”  This is a great opening phrase to show someone they crossed a boundary you set for yourself. Another great phrase: “I don’t want to be talked to like that.”  This is my new favorite phrases in customer service and yes, I use it regularly.

8. Know How To Be A Lady
I heard a quote this week that said, “If more women stood up for being Ladies, more men would stand up for being Gentlemen.” Or something like that. The saying goes the other way as well. Be classy, even if it doesn’t seem popular. Stand up for what you believe. Comments that turn you into an object should not be OK or tolerated. Speak up. You are strong, confident, beautiful, and by golly, YOU LOVE WHAT YOU LOVE. Some guys like to think that if only girls would like guns, war-movies, rock-climbing, and Family Guy, then they would be perfect. The thing is, if every girl loved all those things, we wouldn’t be girls. We would be men. And I promise, they don’t want that. The guys you want to be with will appreciate the things that make you a woman. You are worth waiting for.

9. Invest In At Least 3 Complete Outfits That Make You Feel Crazy Beautiful
Need I say more? It’s worth it. And you will need one of them the day after you ate a pan of cookies after work.

10. Know That You Are Worth It.
If you are not married, GOOD. In the South, we are constantly under a social expectation that when we graduate from college, then duh, the next step is to get married. If you did, great. I am genuinely happy for you. If you haven’t found him yet, FANTASTIC. You have been given an incredible opportunity to find things that make you YOU. Invest in girl friendships, watch chick-flicks whenever the heck you want, explore random hobbies cause you can. Craft, cook, run, write, travel, spend time with family, go on dates, develop crushes, buy a poster of Zac Efron, get your nails done, mentor younger girls. HAVE FUN and enjoy this time. All the while remembering, you are worth waiting for. I know I said this earlier, but it is the most important thing. You might even need to write that on your bathroom mirror. Remember the things that make you awesome and wait for a guy who notices those things too.

There is something special...

10 Things I Want to Tell Teenage Girls

I borrowed this from a blog (http://kateelizabethconner.com/). This is a super wonderful article, as is the one for teenage boys:

Ten Things I Want To Tell Teenage Girls

March 25, 2012 in Blog with 1,253 Comments

1.  If you choose to wear shirts that show off your boobs, you will attract boys. To be more specific, you will attract the kind of boys that like to look down girls’ shirts.  If you want to date a guy who likes to look at other girls’ boobs and chase skirts, then great job; keep it up.  If you don’t want to date a guy who ogles at the breasts of other women, then maybe you should stop offering your own breasts up for the ogling.  All attention is not equal.  You think you want attention, but you don’t.  You want respect.  All attention is not equal.

2. Don’t go to the tanning bed.  You’ll thank me when you go to your high school reunion and you look like you’ve been airbrushed and then photoshopped compared to the tanning bed train wrecks formerly known as classmates – well, at least next to the ones that haven’t died from skin cancer.

3.  When you talk about your friends “anonymously” on Facebook, we  know exactly who you’re talking about.  People are smarter than you think they are.  Stop posting passive-aggressive statuses about the myriad of ways your friends disappoint you.

4. Newsflash: the number of times you say “I hate drama” is a pretty good indicator of how much you love drama.  Non-dramatic people don’t feel the need to discuss all the drama they didn’t start and aren’t involved in.

5.  “Follow your heart” is probably the worst advice ever. 

6. Never let a man make you feel weak or inferior because you are an emotional being.  Emotion is good; it is nothing to be ashamed of.  Emotion makes us better – so long as it remains in it’s proper place: subject to truth and reason.

7.  Smoking is not cool.

8.  Stop saying things like, “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me.”  First of all, that’s not true.  And second of all, if it is true, you need a perspective shift.  Your reputation matters – greatly.  You should care what people think of you.

9. Don’t play coy or stupid or helpless to get attention.  Don’t pretend something is too heavy so that a boy will carry it for you.  Don’t play dumb to stroke someone’s ego.  Don’t bat your eyelashes in exchange for attention and expect to be taken seriously, ever.  You can’t have it both ways.  Either you show the world that you have a brain and passions and skills, or you don’t.  There are no damsels in distress managing corporations, running countries, or managing households.  The minute you start batting eyelashes, eyelashes is all you’ve got.

10.  You are beautiful.  You are enough.  The world we live in is twisted and broken and for your entire life you will be subjected to all kinds of lies that tell you that you are not enough.  You are not thin enough.  You are not tan enough.  You are not smooth, soft, shiny, firm, tight, fit, silky, blonde, hairless enough.  Your teeth are not white enough.  Your legs are not long enough.  Your clothes are not stylish enough.  You are not educated enough.  You don’t have enough experience.  You are not creative enough.

There is a beauty industry, a fashion industry, a television industry, (and most unfortunately) a pornography industry: and all of these have unique ways of communicating to bright young women: you are not beautiful, sexy, smart or valuable enough.

You must have the clarity and common sense to know that none of that is true. None of it.

You were created for a purpose, exactly so.  You have innate value.  You are loved more than you could ever comprehend; it is mind-boggling how much you are adored.  There has never been, and there will never be another you.  Therefore, you have unique thoughts to offer the world.  They are only yours, and we all lose out if you are too fearful to share them.

You are beautiful.  You are valuable.  You are enough.