Captured Little Heart

I wrote this article as a part of a Valentine's day essay contest 2 years ago. Apparently they liked it, given it was published in the online newsletter (the original post is here: http://thegorettigroup.blogspot.com/2011_02_01_archive.html).

Happy Valentine's day, to all the single ladies!!


Captured Little Heart
Everyone loves a good fairy tale, although many believe that they are something to be left for children—a fantasy too far from real life. This is a real story about a princess, her capture, and the fight to win her heart by the perfect prince. This is my love story, and it is entirely true.
I was born on the east coast and lived there with my parents, older sister, and younger brother for six years. My loving parents announced to me just after first grade that we were moving closer to my mom’s side of the family, to the Midwest. I, the outgoing, spunky middle child was excited to make new friends. We made the big move, and as far as I knew everything was wonderful.

A year after the switch Dad left to visit his side of the family. I found out soon after that he wasn’t planning on moving back. He still loved us and wanted to see us, but it just wasn’t working out for him to be out there, for reasons unbeknownst to little me. I don’t remember much about that time, but I do remember one thing: Dad made Mom cry. I made a decision that night with no idea how it would alter my life. I chose a life without Dad.

The three of us kids spent the school year with Mom and the summer with Dad, which worked out fine. For years I was civil to Dad, but I had always felt like he didn’t just leave Mom, but he left us too. I secretly wanted to let him in, but my stubborn pride had too strong of a hold on me, and it grew stronger as time went on. The wound was too deep for me to let go.

I am forever grateful to Mom for teaching us the Catechism and to love the Lord with all of our hearts, and the grace we were given through her is immeasurable. Although I knew Christ as the Son of God who died for my sins, I hadn’t yet known him as someone who could fill the hole I had in my heart. I tried to make up for it elsewhere. I thrived on attention, especially from boys. I loved flirting and learned to use my feminine wiles to get whatever I wanted. It seemed like I couldn’t keep good girl friends for long, but that didn’t bother me as long as I had some guy to remind me periodically that I was pretty or that someone was thinking of me. When I was 15 I got my first boyfriend and was swept up in a whirlwind romance. He was 2 ½ years older than me and leaving for basic training for the Army. We made up for our time apart with intimate visits and phone calls that only fed our infatuation for each other. The whole affair spun out of control and I ended it multiple times, but he was the most constant man in my life at that point—and I couldn’t let him go. We were on and off for years, and I filled his absences with late-night hookups. I fell into habits of grave sin, but I needed affection, and boys gave it to me. They made me feel beautiful, appreciated, and wanted.

My lows were balanced with spiritual highs from Catholic conferences and retreats, where I could see the error in my ways and promise God that I would change. However, my broken heart needed that physical person to whisper he loved me and give me kisses. I entered as a freshman into a wonderful Catholic college, surrounded by holy, attractive men who knew how to treat a woman right. It was there that I met a man I thought would be my future husband. He was everything I could have wanted. He respected me; I could see it in his actions. We were chaste, we went by the book, and we even prayed together on the phone! Betrayals and broken hearts in my past made me hesitant, but after much coaxing, I gave him my entire heart. I had a new home in him.

The emotional honeymoon didn’t last. Just over six months into our relationship, he flipped a switch and everything came to a bitter crashing end. I cried and screamed to God, begging for no more pain. I was blinded by my hurt and flung myself at the feet of the Eucharist in adoration. Slowly, the flow of my tears slowed and my breathing began to slow. I heard no voice, felt no touch, saw no apparition. But I calmly returned to my room and listened to music. A song began to play with a soft pace. He sang to me:
“He is jealous for me.”

The words struck a chord in my heart. Someone is jealous for my love; he wants it for himself first. I kept listening.

“Loves like a hurricane; I am a tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.”

I pictured a tree, swaying back and forth by strong but gentle winds. The beat reminded me of a waltz.

“Oh, how he loves us.”

Jesus does love me, but it’s not the same as a man in front of me that I can touch, feel, or taste.

“And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss and my heart turns
violently inside of my chest.”

All of a sudden it all came together for me. Heaven met earth when God became man, and Christ meets me at my lips in the Eucharist. This was the dialogue of love that I had been longing for: the man to meet me at the altar with an incarnate kiss. Christ is my beloved, the rock upon whom I build my days and spend my evenings dreaming of. I was captured by pain and freed by the Prince of Peace who sacrificed his life for this princess.

Happy Valentine’s Day, from this little heart captured by Christ.

Beneath Your Beautiful

Ladies and gents, I want to apologize for my recent hiatus. I've been experiencing some big changes professionally and personally and I am just now getting back into a rhythm. Hopefully these insights can help you to forgive me :)

My brother has been a huge inspiration to my taste in music. He finds random songs I would like that seem to fit a variety of occasions, themes, moods, etc. He has a pretty good idea of my taste, and when he passes me a song I usually end up exploring similar songs and artists and give my music library a fresh feel. Recently he showed me this song, and in an effort to hear it again I just looked it up on Youtube. I found the video moving... and of course it got me thinking about my favorite theme throughout this blog: love and vulnerability.

The rest of this post will make a lot more sense if you listen to the chorus at the very least.

The song made me think of an article I read recently about marriage, found here (seriously, read it. I might repost it later for all of you lazy people who just don't want to click on another link or read a lot more words). The connection I saw was that love is about more than happily ever after. Love is real, love is honest, love is blunt, love is raw. At its deepest, it is two persons encountering each other in entirety, including scars & fresh wounds, emotions, fears, shortcomings, bad habits, and obstacles that seem like they'll never be overcome.

But what is love when it is not real? When it does not reach the core? It has no connection, no bond, it is not built on sacrifice for the sake of the other, it is driven by passion and emotion, it is photoshopped as it masks imperfections for the sake of pride, selfishness, and the fear of being alone.

NOTE: Yes, that does sound a little extreme, and yes, there are exceptions, as John Paul II, C.S. Lewis, Socrates, Kierkegaard, and many other philosophers and theologians have so beautifully articulated. The love that I am referring to in this post is most simply put as love in relationship. I am using the context of dating/marriage, but it also very much applies to deep friendships.

The point that I am trying to make here is not a new one:

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:7-8

Loving with this intensity does reap rewards. When people love selflessly, they "get back" love 10 fold... the satisfaction of giving. It's one of the wonderful things that help motivate us to service, both in our personal relationships and in our communities. And it has a contagious, pay-it-forward effect. As wonderfully put in the example from the blog I linked above (read it), when people feel genuinely appreciated, they are more apt to honestly appreciate and encourage you to be the best-version-of-yourself. It is beautiful, awe-inspiring, and almost majestically mysterious.

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to sugarcoat anything. I want to challenge you, my dear friends, to love vulnerably, to let yourself get to a point where you can feel pain. In the above Scripture passage, St. Paul goes on to say:

"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways." 1 Corinthians 13:11

This love takes maturity. It means no games, no hanging up on someone just to draw out the drama, no gossip, no snapping back as a reaction, especially when you both know you're in the wrong. No beating around the bush, no pushing someone away for the sake of saving yourself the risk of heartache when they have every intention of showing you genuine appreciation. Give up childish ways. We can still dream of happily ever after, but iconic fairy tale stories end with a lavish wedding and riding off into the sunset.

Newsflash: your life together doesn't begin when you hit the horizon or come back home from the honeymoon. Your life with the ones you hold near and dear began the day you started being real with them, and them with you. Sure, there might be sunshine and lollipops and rainbows and gummy bears in your future, but don't miss one minute of loving someone wholly today because you don't know what tomorrow will be. Get dressed up for dates and don't be afraid of fake-it-til-you-make-it confidence if need me, but in order to live fully, we absolutely must let others see beneath the beautiful at least once in a while.


*This blog was intended for single women forging their way through their young adult years trying to figure out what the what is going on with their lives, and ladies, I am thinking of you as well as I write this, not just those in relationships. Walls keep us from love in all aspects of our lives, including loving God, our families, our friends, potential suitors, and ourselves. Don't hold back. You've got this. :)

Ugliness can be more than skin deep.

I am on this huge health kick right now and I love it. Eating more healthy (the right foods and correct portion sizes) paired with regular exercise have got me feeling more energized, in a better mood, and has given me a significant confidence boost. There's nothing like the feeling of a morning workout followed by a cool shower, a tiny bit of makeup and a Pintrest inspired outfit (my favorites!). It feels good to feel like looking good, you know?

There is a danger though, that can easily attach itself to new motivation or inspiration to take care of one's body: vanity. We constantly see "perfect women" strutting their stuff on the Victoria's Secret fashion show runway (no, I did NOT watch it, nor do I encourage it... I have a story about that to share at a later date), or women who have clearly taken the Barbie doll physique as an ideal waaaay too far like the women on Real Housewives or Sin City Rules, etc. My Pintrest homepage and the "Popular" tab are covered with pictures of petite women with six back abs and a ridiculous booty, all with captions that say "motivation" or "goal body." For all of the women (this can apply to men too) out there who were not born with the "ideal" frame or body type, this can be more discouraging than encouraging. Even when said "goal" is reached, it never really ends, because the pursuit of perfection is like trying to catch a cloud and pin it down... you're never going to get there.

In articles, talks, inspirational CD's, retreats, and all of these wonderful places, we are commonly reminded, "you are beautiful!" And YOU ARE! But don't let it go to your head. And by that I mean, with great beauty comes great responsibility. Beauty is designed by God to draw the eye, the mind, and the heart to awe, to truth, and to love. Losing sight of the purpose of beauty means losing sight of the beauty that counts... and you can't buy that at a department store, drugstore, or sweat for it in the gym.

Taking it one step further, what does it look like when someone loses the sight of what it is supposed to mean to be beautiful? Girls who get lost in themselves, in self-centerdness, in insecurity, in what other people think... and not in a healthy way. Instead of leading hearts toward the goodness that inspires their confidence, their sense of self-worth, they earn themselves pity and companions and escorts who find it difficult to find the "real woman" behind the mask.

Yes, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, but we must not forget that beauty is written into our SOULS just because we exist. We were created with the sole purpose of loving and praising our Lord, and that joy is what turns heads and inspires contagious smiles. In our loving, in our tenderness, in our grace, in our modesty, we emulate beauty, Vanity is the ultimate enemy of the praise, and as sisters in Christ, we can together answer the call to love, to give, and to share... as cheesy as it sounds (especially in this holiday season). In turn, we can lift this culture, these images, and these hearts to a degree of perfection we will find no where else. Ladies, let us love, in truth, in goodness, and in beauty.

One of the characteristics of this particular blog is that it is by women (a woman, with contributors) for women (or just single people, or interested people, or whoever wants to read it... I'm thinking of you, gentlemen readers). But I have very little input from the guys, which I loved to hear in high school and college, especially when I began my search for true femininity (see my first blog, Search for True Feminism).

I am working on a post specifically for this blog with input from the men (coming soon!), here is a fabulous article from a blog about modesty BY men to tide you over and provide some valuable input. This particular article was brought to my attention by a dear friend of mine and I would be remiss if I did not share.

As well as more articles I am working on, I also have a brand-new project I'm launching soon! Teaser: coffee, class, and the best version of yourself. More info to come!

Modesty in Action

While action, like clothing is more a sign of modesty than the thing itself, it is perhaps the most important, and often neglected and misunderstood. The variations here are probably more varied and subtle than when it comes to clothing, because action springs more directly from one’s interior disposition than clothing does.

To begin with, let me clarify that by action I mean all of a person’s actions, not just those relating to some aspect of sexuality. Not pole-dancing makes your actions as modest as not kicking beggars makes them charitable. As I said in a previous post, modesty is a positive virtue. It is something you do, not a list of things you don’t do. In terms of action, it is a way of bearing oneself, a way of interacting with others. Ultimately this is determined by how a woman sees herself on the inside. The problem today is that women have been tricked to think one of two things: that their highest goal is to be desirable to men, or that they should actually be men (or sometimes both at the same time, look at any female super-hero). This just gets messy.

To illustrate that women are not in fact men, I would like to talk about the different way men and women create influence. Men create influence through outside resources—tools. Whichever guy has the biggest stick, be it money, or strength or followers or in some cases an actual stick, has the most power. This is clear in any place with a lot of men. When the CEO or general walks in, everyone gravitates towards him, not because of who he is, but because of what he controls. Women on the other hand don’t need a stick to have authority. They just do. Imagine Sandra Bullock walking into the same room. All of a sudden everyone in the room, including the general or the CEO are at her disposal, not because of what she carries—she has no authority or material claim over them, but because who she is somehow demands respect. You don’t have to be famous to evoke that respect though, you simply have to carry yourself right.

Women know this. But they trouble is a lot of them forget why they’re owed respect, and they think they have to carry around a stick just like the guys. The thing is, women weren’t meant to operate by threat of force, and women who forget that never seem quite secure or comfortable using whatever “stick” they have, but they don’t know how to command respect in any other way so they just use it all the more in a downward spiral. In they end, men just find them ridiculous or obnoxious. Remember, you’re owed respect because God made you, not because if you don’t get it you’ll complain the loudest or get even.

All I want for Christmas is you

All right everyone, it's that time of year again. The leaves are off the trees, cute sweaters are replaced with heavy winter coats, everyone's eating leftover turkey sandwiches, and Black Friday shopping wounds are starting to heal. "It's the most wonderful time of the year," as our Christmas songs proclaim. And the celebration of Jesus' birth, family time, and the overall spirit of holiday cheer and generosity are something that should be held near and dear.

This is not a post about the true meaning of Christmas. This is a sympathetic post about a mutual understanding that the holiday season is romantic, and not everyone has that special someone to kiss under the mistletoe. Lord knows my Christmas wish some years was just that next year I'd have my one & only to toast with at Christmas parties, but sometimes that's just how the gingerbread man crumbles. However, this is not a time at all to get lost in nostalgia for that which might someday be or whatever (which people tend to do around Valentine's day as well), but this is a time to celebrate love, life, and another year of JOY!

This year, instead of being distracted by the couples getting cute little sleigh rides for two, count your blessings. This usually has a negative connotation, as it naturally fits in a sermon to complaining children. But for realzies, it works!

Thanksgiving is not the only season for giving thanks. If there's any time to do it, it's the end of the year. Looking back on what I've accomplished this year, I am proud and thankful for all of the opportunities that have been given to me, all of the friendships I have made, and gifts that I will always, always hold close to my heart. I hope that each and every one of you, dear readers, can look back on this year and not only see the hurt, loneliness, heartache, and trials, but also the little joys and blessings in disguise... of course, as well as the big things.

This is probably my favorite time of year (autumn when the leaves change and the sun is out but the air is crisp is up there too, but that's besides the point). Families and friends come together to share in a tradition of loving selflessly, to an extent that often overflows to gift-giving and works of mercy. It is beautiful, heartwarming, and inspiring. As are you! Singleness is nothing to be scoffed at, especially during a season that encourages cuddling, cocoa, and catching snowflakes on your nose. This year as the commercials for diamond rings and lovers sharing eskimo kisses by fireplaces run on primetime, take a slow, deep breath of winter and get geared up for holiday mayhem and joyfully usher in a new year full of change, hope, and promise.

Encourage your sense of daring.

 I wrote and posted this article on my blog, "Cataloging the Search for True Feminism" a while back (so the family reference is a tad outdated), but the title phrase came to mind once again when I came across this G.K. Chesterton quote:

Wise words. That man cracks me up sometimes.

I love adventures, taking risks, adrenaline rushes... oh, the thrill of it all. The following musings are not particularly related to single-ness per se, but they apply to love and life, so naturally they get me excited.

So, in an effort to maintain some consistency and at the same time share things that I think are worth sharing, I have reposted my own post for your reading pleasure and convenience. And this time I added pictures. Enjoy!

This title also came from a Dove chocolate wrapper.



My dear friends, what drives you? What makes you get out of bed in the morning? What is it that keeps you moving throughout the day? What keeps you looking forward to the next big thing? What is it at the end of the day that gave you the strength to make it back to bed again after it is all said and done? When you want to quit, when you are tired, when you are sore, what do you think of that gives you the drive to push through that last leg?

I recently witnessed a scene on a TV show in which a “medium” told a woman that her marriage would not last and that her husband would never be able to fulfill her emotionally. The face of the wife broke my heart. Here is a woman who loves her husband, but the thought was presented to her that he would never totally make her happy, never fill every void in her heart—and she could not respond to it. I saw this scene and I thought, of course not! When we mourn the loss of loved ones, we find peace in the thought that they are in a place of never-ending, unceasing joy. Why? Because we know, somewhere inside of each of us, there is a yearning for something, for someone, which will never be satisfied on this side of heaven.

Is this disheartening? Absolutely not! If anything, it is a hint that there is something more, that there is a greater joy that awaits us on the other side. This anticipation should drive us to wake up each morning and to make it through the day, with each choice and each act and each word bring us one step closer to eternal bliss!

My sister is a new mother. Her small family is incredibly beautiful and a tremendous source of joy for all of us around them. I keep a constant countdown of the next time I get to see them and hold my little niece again. As cute as she is, she sure can make a lot of noise—and sometimes she makes a lot of noise in the middle of the night. In spending time at my sister’s house, I had the privilege of witnessing something extraordinarily beautiful: the sacrificial love of a mother. I have seen this before, but these particular circumstances struck chords in my heart. Even when she’s sick, tired, sore, or just needing a break, my sister continues to feed the baby, cradle her, play with her, change her, and love her. This tiny person depends on her totally. Even if my sister didn’t particularly feel like it, she keeps going because she loves her baby. It is love that motivates a heart. Mothers who wake in the middle of the night to feed their crying babies choose love. Fathers forced to work extended hours to put food on the table choose love. Teachers writing their lesson plans and grading papers so their students have the chance to succeed choose love. Nurses, ministers, firemen, soldiers, and volunteers choose love. The list goes on and on and is by no means limited to any walk of life.

When we think of what keeps us going, hopefully we think first of the ones we love, but we must also remember the ones who love us. My family works hard to give me the best that they can, I take care not to disappoint them. We have people counting on us who constantly choose love for our sakes. Even when we cannot see it, they have hearts that also beat with love for us.

Women have hearts that want to know love. There is a part of us, on the most fundamental level, that yearns to experience a burning love for who we are just because we are. There is a deep joy and peace in knowing there is a heart that longs to love at all times, despite faults, failures, and shortcomings. Unfortunately, many women’s ability to receive that love is hindered by wounds that cut to the core. Shattered homes, absent parents, abusive family members, deaths of loved ones, and hearts broken by lovers leave behind scars that affect us for the rest of our lives. It would be easy to build a shining barrier of our own, a kind of wall around our hearts, that guard from any chance of pain. But my dear readers, I am posing this question to you: is that any way to live? To sacrifice an unsurpassing joy for a life of inner solitude? Where is the risk? Love is always a risk! It involves going out on a limb for the sake of another, and purely for the sake of that loved one. It includes choosing the best for the other even when it hurts. What is it—or should I say, who is it—that gets you out of bed in the morning? Do you know the one whose heart beats and burns for you? This love overcomes the weight of fears that we can’t see and eclipses afflictions with glory. This love is jealous for you. This love is trustworthy, constant, and unconditional. It is hard. It is risky. But my friends, I urge you to encourage your sense of daring and break the walls of the shining barrier. Need proof? Look at the created world. And I’m not talking about what we made. Dare to love completely.

A presentation on dating:

Some of my dear friends from Franciscan University of Steubenville, my alma mater, put together this presentation on dating for the Homecoming 2012 talent show this past month. Just in case you needed a smile, this sure did the trick for me. Enjoy!

I don't wait anymore

This post was beautifully written by gracefortheroad at http://gracefortheroad.com. It's super beautiful so I'm sharing it here for all the single ladies. Worth the read! :)

When I was 16, I got a purity ring.

And when I was 25, I took it off.

I didn’t tell anyone I was doing it — it wasn’t a statement or an emotional thing. I just slipped it off my finger that day and, before tucking it away in a box, ran my finger around the words on the familiar gold band.

“True Love Waits.” Waits.

What’s it “waiting” for, anyway?

*****

I had my reasons for deciding not to wear it anymore. Other people might have other reasons. It’s a graveyard of hearts, this place where single church girls crash into their late 20s and early 30s. Churches see the symptoms. They scramble to reach out to the ever-growing young adult singles crowd who feels alienated by family-oriented services.

But there’s something bigger behind it than that.

Much bigger.

There are a lot of girls out there who don’t know who God is anymore – the God of their youth group years just isn’t working out. Back then, that God said to wait for sex until they are married, until He brings the right man along for a husband. They signed a card and put it on the altar and pledged to wait.

And wait they did.

*****

And waited and waited and waited.

Some of them have prayed their whole lives for a husband, and he hasn’t shown up. They’ve heard the advice to “be the woman God made you to be, focus on that, and then the husband will come.” They’ve read “Lady in Waiting,” gotten super involved in church and honed their domestic skills.

And still they wait.

More than a decade ago, a youth leader handed them a photocopied poem in Sunday School written to them from “God” that said, “The reason you don’t have anyone yet is because you’re not fully satisfied in Me. You have to be satisfied with Me and then when you least expect it, I’ll bring you the person I meant for you.”

And the girls see it posted on their bulletin boards from time to time.

“You’re right, God,” they say. “We’re not satisfied in you yet. We will put you first and then you can bring us a husband in your timing.”

But many of them – if they’re honest – will tell you that time has passed, and it’s wrecking their view of God.

If this is who God’s supposed to be, then He’s tragically late.

So some decide to chuck “Lady in Waiting” out the window … and possibly their virginity with it. Church goes next. God might go next, too. If He doesn’t answer these prayers after they’ve held up their end of the bargain, why would He answer any others?

Whether it was the fault of the leaders, the fault of us girls, or both, a tragedy happened back then.

A lot of girls were sold on a deal and not on a Savior.

*****

I had that poem on my bulletin board all through high school – the one where “God” was telling me to fall in love with Him first and then I would be able to fall in love with a husband later.

Who wrote that poem anyway?

Pretty sure it wasn’t God.

When Jesus was here on the earth, the crowds would follow Him because they saw He gave good things. But that’s not what He wanted. He wanted their hearts for Himself. So He would turn to them and say things like, “If you don’t love Me so much that every other relationship in your life looks like hate by comparison, you can’t follow Me.” (Matthew 10:34-39, paraphrase)

That sounds a lot different from the poem.

Christ is the source of everything we need and the giver of all good gifts … but in telling people about Him, it’s possible we’ve sold them on a solution for life’s problems and not life itself.

What if we as girls had learned early on that having Him was everything, not a means to the life we think He would want us to have.

If we had learned we don’t abstain from sex because we’re “waiting.” We abstain because we love Him.

If I’d had on my bulletin board, “Fall in love with Jesus.” That’s it. Bottom line. That’s everything you need to know, to work toward, to put your hope in.

If I’d learned who He is, what He wants, how to give Him everything, not “wait” so that one day I could give my everything to someone else.

If I’d learned that it’s not bad to pray for a husband, but that my greater prayer should be for Him to spend my life as He chooses for His glory.

If we as believers make that our message, things could be drastically different for a lot of girls wondering why the God they think they learned to follow doesn’t compute. It doesn’t necessarily stop the desire for a husband or end all feelings of loneliness, but it does show a God who provides, loves and gives infinite purpose even to our singleness rather than a God who categorically denies some who pray for husbands while seemingly giving freely to others.

It shows that while marriage is good, He is the greater goal.

*****

Don’t think I’ve done this perfectly.

I’d be deceiving you if you thought that. I’ve had relationships where I made major mistakes. I’ve gone through angst-ridden phases where I met with friends to plead together with God to bring us husbands. I’ve planned major life decisions around possibilities.

I lived like I was waiting for something.

And that’s why I slipped off my ring that day. It wasn’t that I wanted to sleep with people – I haven’t. It wasn’t a slap to True Love Waits, or to anyone who wears a purity ring – saving sex for marriage is good and is His design.

I just didn’t want to wait anymore – didn’t want to live like I was waiting on anyone to get here.

I already have Him … and He is everything.

“Follow Christ for His own sake, if you follow Him at all.” – J.C. Ryle

A smile for you!

Letter to my 15-year-old self

I wrote this for work to post on the company website (www.missionariesofpurity.com if you want to have a looksie) and I wanted to share it with you. :) I've also included a picture of 16-year old me, just for fun.

Dear 15-year-old me,

I’ve been taking some time to look back on my own life after encountering some young girls who deserved so much more than what they were settling for. It broke my heart to witness, and all I could think was if only I had known then what I know now. I know that it’s a little late for me, but in putting this into words it might not be too late for someone else. Here are some things I wish I knew:

“Follow your heart” is probably the worst advice ever. Use your head. All of your actions should come from the two working together.

Do things for yourself. Don’t live as if the man of your dreams is watching, or if your parents are standing right behind you, but do what is best for you. You know what these things are: things that make you the best version of yourself. Get sunshine, exercise, count your blessings often, take time to pray, and do something that you enjoy just because you enjoy it.

Surround yourself with people who genuinely want what is best for you, people that want to see you thrive. Your friends are the people who will want to help you follow your dreams, support you when times get tough, and do what they can to help you be happy, healthy, and holy… long-term, not just for the night.

Act out of charity. It’s one of those fake it ‘til you make it things when you are having a rough day, but you will make it. Be genuine. Smile. Speak kindly about your friends AND your enemies, and everyone in between. You will cheer everyone else around you up, and the feeling overflows to you… Joy comes from the heart and shows in the way that we treat others.

You are beautiful! You will hear so many other things in your life: you have to be skinnier, your hair has to be longer, your chest is too small, and so on and so forth… but you have been formed out of love, with a purpose and people who loved you even while you were in your mother’s womb! People who feed you those lies are only trying to feed emptiness in themselves, but dear, you are not empty! You have passions, loves, interests, personality, talents, and gifts. You are inspiring! Strive every moment to be the best version of yourself, regardless of others’ put-downs. When in doubt, remember that happy girls are the prettiest. Be someone worth admiring… but above all, remember that you are beautiful and you are loved!

Sincerely,

Justine

In order to lead a fascinating life, one brimming with art, music, intrigue, and romance, you must surround yourself with precisely those things.

Seek Holiness Before Seeking a Spouse

Single Life column by Catholic singer-songwriter 
Jackie Francois: From our July 29 issue
by JACKIE FRANCOIS 07/28/2012

– Jackie Francois Facebook

I really enjoy being single — until someone tells me they want me to date their kin in order for me to bring them back to the Church.

Sometimes I want to respond with, “Hey lady, I don’t flirt to convert!”

It seems, though, that God has granted me the gift of slow wit in the most inopportune times.

When people find out I’m single, they either 1) try to set me up (either with another supposedly pitiful single person or with a convent), 2) tell me how lucky I am to be avoiding marriage or 3) assume I have an incurable disease.

I don’t mind the setter-uppers; they mean well and often want me to enjoy the same bliss they have experienced in their vocation. The jaded marriage-avoiders are another bunch, though. Many times they pressure me to live the pleasures of intimacy without the levels of commitment. They especially flip out when I tell them that I’m a 28-year-old virgin striving to live a life of chastity, because, as they tell me, I “have missed out on life.” The “incurable diseasers” who condescendingly ask, “Why aren’t you married, yet?!” figure that if I’m still single in my late 20s, there must be something wrong with me.

Regardless of these assumptions and reactions, I have never felt more joy or peace in my life than I feel now in the midst of my young-adult single life.

Truthfully, it has taken me years of faith, humility and dating to get to a place where I know that God alone satisfies the yearnings of my heart to love and be loved. God alone is the one for whom my heart longs.

Even though I would like to get married someday, God is the one who I want more than anything. If God called me to give up a husband or family for the sake of the Kingdom, I would.

When there are days that I begin to idolize marriage as the ultimate fulfillment of this life, I remind myself of my God-directed priorities.

If I died tomorrow, would I be happy? Of course! I would be so excited to be with the One whom my heart loves (especially after an excruciatingly purifying time in purgatory, I’m sure).

Obviously, I am not perfect and am still learning how to navigate my way through single life, figuring out how to date properly, wanting the best for others (even if it means being rejected), and practicing what I preach — all the while trying to draw closer to the heart of God in the busyness of everyday life.

My hope for single people who are discerning is that they seek holiness before seeking a spouse, knowing that Jesus the Bridegroom gives a peace and joy that no person on this earth could ever give.

I hope that they practice enjoying the present, since every state of life brings with it trials and sacrifices that train us in virtue and prepare us for heaven.

Lastly, I hope they become witnesses to a twisted culture that scoffs at virtues like purity, chastity, modesty and self-control (see Philippians 2:13-14). Our world surely needs that bold witness.

Jackie Francois is a Catholic singer and songwriter.
Find her music online at
JackieFrancois.com.

Read more: http://www.ncregister.com/daily-news/seek-holiness-before-seeking-a-spouse/#ixzz227lYj6OO

A song for you!

"Love Like the Movies" by Mumford & Sons

So you want to be in love like the movies
But in the movies they're not in love at all
And with a twinkle in their eyes
They're just saying their lines 
So we can't be in love like the movies

Now in the movies they make it look so perfect
And in the background they're always playing the right song
And in the ending there's always a resolution
But real life is more than just two hours long

So you want to be in love like the movies
But in the movies they're not in love at all
And with a twinkle in their eyes
They're just saying their lines 
So we can't be in love like the movies

Well you can freeze frame any moment from a movie
Or run the whole damn thing backwards from reel to reel
But I don't see one single solitary light technician
Or one single camera in this moonlit field

I don't want to be in love like the movies
Cause in the movies they're not in love at all
With a twinkle in their eyes
They're just saying their lines
So we can't be in love like the movies.

And with a twinkle in their eyes
They're just saying their lines
And so we can't be in love like the movies.
Nooooooo
We can't be in love like movies

Excuses for Being Single

I’m finished making excuses for being single.

I’m not too busy for a boyfriend. I’m not focusing on my studies. I’m not focusing on my career. I’m not trying to discover who I am. Mom. . . Dad. . . You know how you ask if there are any guys at college and I say, “No, not a one.”? That’s a blatant lie. There are lots of guys. Lots of great looking, intelligent, witty men who would donate one of their kidneys to an Ethiopian orphan and nurse a sick, baby bird to health.

So, why am I single? Because I am discerning what God wants for my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve fought Him on this issue. I’ve prayed that God find me a man and deliver him in time for the release of *Insert Movie Title Here*, so I’d have a date. I’ve prayed that He would send him to me before grad school, because that seemed like a swell time to tie the knot. I’ve even avoided praying and rationalized my way through giving my number to a 32-year-old, gas station attendant with a knack for being clingy whom I knew absolutely nothing about (let me just say, that did not go well). To say I’ve wanted to be single for the last few years would be quite the work of fiction.

Despite the moments I’d wished God had given me the go ahead on some guys who’d asked me out, I can genuinely say I’m glad, even thankful, He kept me stag. Why? Because I’m a dependent coward. In the past I wasn’t looking for someone to share life with. I was looking for someone to leech onto and live life through. By staying single, I had to leech onto and live through God. Without a set of broad shoulders to lean on, I learned to find strength and purpose in Christ.

This little epiphany hadn’t dawned on me until one night when I was. . . well, sort of panicking about my future. I’m graduating soon, and I wasn’t 100% sure what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go. It’s not that I didn’t have options, I did. But simply having options doesn’t calm nerves. The fact I could choose the wrong one and have a stagnant, unenjoyable life was where the panic comes into play.

So, what did I do when I couldn’t prevent my mind from wandering into the potentially dismal abyss known as my future? I genuinely, earnestly, sincerely, redundantly wished with all my might that I had a husband, so I could just go with him wherever he ventured and take care of his home. As soon as I had fully realized what my proposed solution was to my uncertainty, I felt sick.

I had completely abandoned turning to God for comfort. I’d stopped discerning God’s direction and purpose for me and started yearning for some faceless male being to drag me along, so I wouldn’t be alone.

I turned to marriage not as a means to grow closer to God and glorify Him with someone but to replace Him.

This is not my announcement that God has called me to be single ’til death. This is me saying singleness is not a death sentence.

It’s amazing what I’ve learned these past few years, and I know I wouldn’t have been able to grow like I have in my relationship with Christ while attaching myself to someone. I simply couldn’t have handled it.

I just want to make sure you never think I’m single because I’m independent and strong. I want you to know that I’m single, because I’m dependent and weak but depending on Christ.

Source: http://goodwomenproject.com/singleness/pining-for-someone-to-put-a-ring-on-it