Saturday, May 25, 2013

Self-Defense 101 for Women who watch too much Law & Order SVU

...namely me. It's a terrible addiction. If there's a marathon on, I can't turn it off! Or turning an episode off halfway through the episode? I won't sleep for oh so many reasons.

One of my dear guy friends posted this on Facebook and I have no idea if the source is legit, but coming from a woman who lived by herself in a somewhat sketchy small town with questionable characters in her large apartment building and no street light on the back side of the building between my door and the dumpster... it would have been comforting to have this along with my rosary and cell phone in hand when I was late-night cleaning. And it's much cheaper than a self defense class (I have no idea if those cost money, but if they don't and anyone knows of any in my area and someone is willing to be my buddy so I don't look like a crazy cat lady, let me know).

So here's this:

It seems that a lot of attackers use some tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such a situation. Everyone should read this especially each and every girl in this world.


Through a rapist's eyes! A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women whose clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.

5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.

6] Number three is public restrooms.

7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.


1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can't believe it is so cold out here, we're in for a bad winter. Now that you've seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

4] If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and
armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of
trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, and go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.


I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go "hmm I must remember that" After reading, forward it to someone you care about, never hurts to be careful in
this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans: if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you.... chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit
(doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS, LEAVE!

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side, peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. (DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB).

b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c. Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard /policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; and even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

For The Guys... who aren't afraid to get schooled by a kid

Men: watch... IF YOU DARE! Just know that once the information in this video is in your brain, you cannot UNSEE it! You have been exposed to a calling, one that you are obligated to answer... the fate of the world depends on you now.

Friday, May 17, 2013

For the Gals: 8 Principles for Dating

*This is not my writing, I just found it and wanted to share here.

I recently came across a 20-year-old photo of Phil and me when we were dating. I started thinking about how very little I knew about relationships, men, and marriage then.

Formulating a list of what I would tell myself back then, my advice began with a stern warning to stay away from any man with a mullet . . . but then again, it was the ’90s—every man had a mullet!
On a more serious note, these are eight principles that would have taken much confusion and heartbreak out of those tumultuous dating years. I hope they help you:


I am not kidding. Repeat. After. Me. Out loud, often, with conviction. These are such simple words to say, but they have the most deep and resounding impact on our souls if we would just believe.
God says to his daughters in Jeremiah: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you." Until you have tasted God’s eternal, steadfast, redeeming love, hold off on looking for a man. You may just end up settling for a quick love that cannot fill your core heart’s longing. Even if you are not currently being pursued by a man, you are constantly being pursued by Jesus.


Our sin makes us ugly. No amount of makeup, clothing, or confident, flirtatious fa├žade can change that fact. It takes a humble, redeemed woman changed by God to admit the ugliness of her sin and rest in her beauty in Christ. We must repent of our pride, our shame, our obsession with our looks. We must believe and embrace who God made us to be: beautiful in his image.
True beauty emanates from a woman who boldly and unabashedly knows who she is in Christ.


Is it fear, loneliness, demand for a man, seeking approval, career, money?
Let the love of Christ control you. Pay attention to what is controlling your heart as you wait for a date, are in a dating relationship, or even into marriage. We settle for lesser gods than the one who died for us and love us unconditionally.
“For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who might live no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” 2 Corinthians 5:14–15


Most of us have them—wounds on our hearts from our earthly fathers and their shortcomings. Whether yours was absent and uninvolved or abusive and abandoning, don’t let him define who you believe your heavenly Father to be. Even if you have a godly and protective father, he is not God.
You are not looking for a dad-duplicate or a dad-replacement in a man. You have a perfect heavenly Father.
Let Scripture reveal to you who God is as Dad and what kind of care he gives his daughters.
"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" Luke 11:13


"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30
Often, our grand scheme for how to snag a date goes only skin-deep. We put massive pressure on ourselves to pour on the charm and look cute wherever we go, not realizing that a godly man will also be concerned about inner beauty. God certainly is.
"But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:4
A woman who fears the Lord is one who, despite her desire for a date, fears being far away from God more than she does missing out on a man who is easily fooled by her exterior.


Submission is not only for wives. God asks for a submitted heart now, one that trusts in his provision and plan for your life, including dating. Ultimately, dating, and all of life, is about submission—waiting and trusting God and saying as Jesus does, “Not my will but yours be done.”
This does not, however, leave you helpless, hopeless, and hamstrung in the relationship department. A godly woman can express friendly interest in a brother in Christ. 
  • It is OK to mingle—but don’t manipulate.
  • Peruse—but don’t pursue. Let him initiate.
  • Take notice of the godly men serving Jesus around you—but never stalk. It’s creepy.
  • Cross paths with a man who interests you—but don’t tackle him.

7. DRESS TO KILL . . .

. . . your evil desires and his. We all know what it’s like to be noticed for what we wear. Your desire to draw attention to yourself is vanity. Do not falsely advertise what is not available to anyone but your future husband. Don’t open the door for men to make assumptions about you by what you wear. Help your brothers in Christ by dressing modestly and appropriately (and by all means, neatly, cleanly, and fashionably!) Check your heart for your motives when you dress.


Guarding one’s heart is still an issue even if no one is overtly vying for it.  Watch out for the “might be” snare, as in, "He 'might be' flirting with me and so I’m going to get carried away thinking about every possible place [read: marriage] that could lead."
It is entirely possible to honor God, yourself, and a brother in Christ on a date. Don’t elevate him or the relationship to the place that God alone should hold in your heart. Enjoy, don’t idolize . . . and for goodness sake, relax! A cup of coffee does not necessarily mean a diamond ring is soon to follow.
As a single woman, give your heart fully, wholly, unabashedly, and devotedly to Christ alone.
Be active, vigilant, and careful about how much of your heart you give to a man. Be able to walk away from a dating relationship with your whole heart intact so that your future husband is not robbed of part of it down the road. Prayerfully consider what, when, how much to give away.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

Monday, May 13, 2013

A Different Mirror

How we see ourselves is usually different than how other people see us. That's one of the reasons why constructive criticism is so important, and why marriage is an incredible path to heaven: other people can affirm our strength and goodness when we need it, and also offer an outside perspective to what we could see in ourselves.

But where is the line?

I've probably mentioned before a thing or two about caring what people think about you. It's good to take into account, but keep in mind who is providing the feedback. Is it constructive or destructive? It is out of love for you and a genuine appreciation for your goodness? Or does it steam from a jealousy or woundedness in someone else? And then there's criticism of yourself.

"You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." Matthew 5:48

We are told to strive to be perfect as the heavenly Father is perfect because God, our loving and merciful Father in heaven with unquenchable love wants us to spend the rest of our earthy lives nitpicking at ourselves so we can someday hope to reach a level of perfection that we will never actually attain. FALSE. Let's consider humility. I've heard it described and defined different ways, but in my humble opinion, the simplest way to describe humility is seeing yourself exactly how the Lord sees you. You are beautiful, loved, and capable of great things. You are wounded, weak, flawed, and you try to handle way more by yourself than you should. Sometimes you let pride or fear get the best of you, but you know you can do better, and you know you can... but not by yourself.

One of the biggest (most arguably) and most detrimental ways that women (especially single women or women in crappy relationships) pick at themselves is their physical appearance. We question our attractiveness in our bodies and all of a sudden we question our worth. Simple affirmations go a long way and I have had enough crappy days to know that everyone could use one now and again. We receive by giving, and although we shouldn't give for the sake of receiving, we can, nay, we HAVE TO, and give of ourselves to be whole (just ask Jesus).

I realize that this is a little deep after my big break from screens and it is very late as I am writing this post, so I'll keep it short and wrap it up with yet another video. But if you want more, one of my most dearest friends in the world, Miss Jackie Heider (what up!), saw the same video (above) and wrote this ...she is an actual writer who writes for magazines and stuff. And she's good too. REAL good. Read it, you won't regret it.

Love, love, love.

"So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Back for more?!

Ladies and gentlemen, I am back again!

My computer was the most of critical conditions (goodbye, hard drive!) until the most wonderful of all IT guys worked some freaky geeky micro magic (it was insane) and we are up and running!!

Don't get your hopes up too TOO high though (yes you can, just not because of what you think) because there are some serious changes coming this way... but not until after I share with you the articles/ideas/videos/borrowed blog articles that I have been storing up during my time away from the screen.

I have learned surprisingly, a lot about myself during my lack-of-computer-possessing time. It had not occurred to me until day 3 or 4 that I was bored out of my mind without Facebook, Twitter, blogs, Gmail, Youtube, Pandora, Etsy, and let's not forget Pintrest. I did not update my iPod, watch TV shows while I did the dishes, look up people I used to judge in high school, watch TV shows to kill time... I even had to make up my own outfits when I got dressed in the morning without consulting my dream closet full of ideas. Instead, I was forced to call people I hadn't spend time with or talk to in ages, actually pick up books and read them (they were made out of paper and everything!), go outside to see if something was at the store, and try things on my own instead of looking at what everyone else is up to (I'm coming for you, lefty guitar).

And it actually wasn't that terrible.

I spent more time with my family and people I love, I found places in some towns dear to my heart that I hadn't yet explored, I spent more time in prayer, and with the coming summer months I even managed to motivate myself to get off my ass once in a while and get my blood pumping (workouts totally suck, but they're worth it).

I came back to everything and I just caught myself mindlessly skimming. No, it wasn't even skimming, it was just scrolling. It was blindly scrolling. I wasn't even looking at the news feed or the twitter feed or the pins anymore, but I was spacing out and my mind kept wandering off to this land where my eyes didn't hurt (you know... from the screen).

Lesson to be learned? Unplugging is good! I wouldn't by any means in our day and age advise most people to get rid of their facebook or twitter or email or youtube or whatever, especially because it is becoming a central part of our culture to communicate and share information and bond long distance, and that is totally fine! I just don't want anyone to end up like this poor girl:

Unplug! There's more than the internet, more than texting, more than Skype and FaceTime (although it would be much harder with out you), etc. etc. You are right here, right now! Do not lose sight of that! I don't mean #YOLO as a license to be stupid, but don't be the person browsing Facebook out of boredom... be the person having too much fun with the people you're with (or whatever you're doing) to stop and take pictures for Instagram, or at least be the person so at peace with a sunset or a delicious bite of a damn good burrito that you know a picture or post won't capture the awesomeness in that. I hope you come back and check my blog soon... but you'd better do something great between now and then!

Talk to you soon! :D