Tuesday, August 30, 2011

It is not a ghost

Jesus made the disciples get into a boat and precede him to the other side of the sea, while he dismissed the crowds. After doing so, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When it was evening he was there alone.

Meanwhile the boat, already a few miles offshore, was being tossed about by the waves, for the wind was against it. During the fourth watch of the night, he came toward them, walking on the sea. When the disciples saw him walking on the sea they were terrified. "It is a ghost," they said, and they cried out in fear. At once Jesus spoke to them, "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid."

Peter said to him in reply, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water." He said, "Come." Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw how strong the wind was he became frightened; and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him, and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"

After they got into the boat, the wind died down. Those who where on the boat did him homage by saying, "Truly, you are the Son of God."

Day 1 (delayed post)

I am a single with a purpose. Since my first relationship 7 years ago, I have never been voluntarily single for more than a few months. Seven whole years of always having someone or wishing that I had someone is a long time and takes quite a toll on the heart, even after just a few months. In an effort to truly "discover myself," I have given up dating for one year. That's right: 365 days of single-ness. When the idea first occurred to me I wasn't very fond of it, but the more I thought about it the more it grew on me. You see, when people want to learn about themselves they have to sort of investigate themselves, they need to rid themselves of distractions. They turn off the music, back away from the crowds, and maybe even visit some serene setting in nature. That is what this year is for me. 

Until recently I have never spent more than a couple of days totally by myself anyways, and although it was uncomfortable, I turned out all right. And now I am not afraid of being alone. I am privileged and honored to have many beautiful friends who are in happy healthy relationships, sharing wonderful stories of recent engagements, and glowing newlyweds. I reassure my single friends that there is no reason to rush into anything and not to settle for anything less than they deserve. I was thinking about it and if I want to keep from being anything a hypocrite, I need to take a taste of my own medicine. If I really mean these things I need to live it, not just talk the talk.

This year is for me. I am taking some due time to figure out myself, for goodness sake. If you ask me, it's about time. I am confident that this is the best time for me to start; if I would have tried any earlier, I would not have had the strength to not just survive--thrive! I officially began on my birthday, August 16th after a couple of weeks of careful discernment. Thus, the 16th will mark the anniversary of each month of living my life to the fullest in a whole new way. I refuse to treat my year of single-ness as a countdown, because it is not about falling in love with the man I will eventually marry after all of this is through or anything like that--that is not the point. I am counting up because what matters now is what I do now.

Here we go.